I can’t help it: I’m a real romantic at heart, and I love me some love. I love it when people fall in love. I enjoy going to weddings to see people make a lifelong commitment together — that out of all the people in the world, two of them have found the other person they’re meant to be with.
So I was happy to hear about Yuri Tolochko, a bodybuilder and actor from Kazakhstan who will soon marry his girlfriend, Margo. They met in a bar after another guy attacked Margo, and Tolochko stepped in to protect her.
The two started dating and were together for eight months before Tolochko finally popped the question. He loves her so much, he even recently paid for her to get some plastic surgery to help her overcome an inferiority complex, which is actually kind of funny.
Funny, because Margo is a lifesize doll.
She’s not your average, run-of-the-mill inflatable pool float. She’s a synthetic silicon lifesize doll with a realistic face, silicon skin and stainless steel joints that only need greasing every three months or 3,000 miles.
The two want to get married and start a family soon: a son or daughter and a Roomba.
Tolochko is smitten, and he dotes on Margo. He regularly takes her on dates and posts photos of them together on her Instagram, which he operates. He said that ever since they started dating, they have become inseparable, although that may be from all the glue after he removed her warranty stickers.
And Tolochko does everything for her. She can’t cook, of course, so he cooks for them both. She’s not a picky eater, but she loves Georgian food — the country, not the state where everything is deep fried — and she’s especially fond of khinkali, which is a type of dumpling.
I imagine Margo prefers organic food and wouldn’t want to eat anything chemical or artificial. You know, because her boyfriend is a bodybuilder which means he’s probably a health nut.
Margo is also not able to walk, which means Tolochko does that for her as well. But Margo is determined to be as independent as she can. He even helped her get a job in a bar, where she probably works as a coat check girl, standing around and holding people’s coats.
No, wait, that’s a coat rack.
Actually, Margo works as a waitress at the bar: She can bring anyone a tray of drinks if she wears roller skates and someone gives her a good push.
Before he proposed, Tolochko paid for Margo’s plastic surgery. She got a new paint job and interior detailing because she started to develop a bit of a complex. That wouldn’t happen if he’d just quit leaving her in the car during the summer.
According to Tolochko, Margo’s inferiority complex started when they began making media appearances together.
He said, “When I presented her photo to the world, there was a lot of criticism and she began to develop a complex, so we decided to have plastic surgery.”
Yeah, that’s what the criticism was about. That the robot you were taking to fancy dinners was a little plain looking, and that’s what everyone made fun of. People can be so cruel.
But this wasn’t any normal, humdrum lifesize doll surgery, which is usually done with duct tape and a bicycle pump.
No, Margo went to a real plastic surgery clinic with real doctors, and they gave her a new clear coat and rust-proofed her undercarriage.
But the new Margo took a little getting used to. Tolochko said, “She has changed a lot. At first, it was hard to accept, but I got used to it later on.”
That’s understandable. He needed to get used to all the new knobs and buttons, all the new smells, different feel, the way she handled bumps and rough terrain.
Wait, I’m thinking about my new car.
And like every couple, Tolochko and Margo fight on occasion, from who’s turn it is to do the dishes, who left the oil stain in the toilet, or about her last boyfriend, Baymax from Big Hero 6.
Apparently, Margo even has a bit of a potty mouth.
“She swears, but there is a tender soul inside,” Tolochko told the New York Post. A soul that has to be plugged in at night, unless he springs for the wireless charger upgrade.
Even so, I’m a little worried they’re going too fast. This is a lifetime commitment after all, not something you want to rush into.
You’ve got a few decades to spend together. Not to mention the 1,000 years she’ll take to decompose in a landfill.